Secrets He Had to Share
by Watcher of the Hearts
Summary: A oneshot I just had to get out. I've secretly always been a fan of Sev/Lily and this particular plot just popped into my head! Severus just has to convince Lily how sorry he is for what he called her. Can he do it?


**A one shot! I just had to do it As you all might notice, I've made some changes to the (original) storyline.. ENJOY!**

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><p><strong>Secrets He Had to Share<strong>

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><p>"Lily please- if you'll just listen to me!" He chased after her through the halls, begging her to stop. To listen to him. To consider but for a second what he had to say. She turned on him, her face close to the red of her hair.<p>

"Save it Sev. After all, I'm just a _mudblood" _and she turned, continuing her angry stalk towards the direction of her dorm.

It pained Severus that she still used his nickname, knowing it was from the history of knowing one another all these years. The very thought sent another strike to his already bleeding heart, knowing that he had ruined what he had with her. And ruined any chance of any future that he might have had with her.

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><p><em>As per usual, James and Sirius were picking on Severus. Only this time, it was far more relentless and violent. It was after a spell from James began to choke him that Lily came running up, having seen the scene unfolding as she passed by the windows. <em>

"_Leave him alone!" _

_James made an all too obvious and rather arrogant attempt at flirting with Lily, whose anger and intense dislike for the boy left her completely unaffected by it. _

"_Leave Severus alone. What's he ever done to you?"_

"_Exist?"_

_Many of those who had stopped to watch the bullying laughed, which only caused Lily's face to burn red. _

"_You think you're so funny James Potter." She spoke his name with contempt, glaring at him as he smirked. "But you're nothing more than an arrogant bullying toerag!" _

"_A toerag am I?" James laughed incredulously. "All right than Evans, I'll tell you what. I'll leave old Snivellus here alone. If you go out with me." He folded his arms, clearly pleased with his plan as Sirius chuckled behind him. Severus' stomach burned in anger at James' advance. How dare hero-Potter try and…as if she'd ever accept Potter anyway. Lily was clearly not impressed at the advance and let out a great chortle of disgust. _

"_As if I would ever go out with you! If it were between you and the giant squid, the squid would win." _

_A few of the onlookers chuckled as James' smirk dropped._

"_Aw, come on now Evans, What's so wrong with me? Especially when compared to greasy, beak-nosed Snivellus." Lily opened her mouth to retort when from behind her Severus had regained control of his body from the last jinx he had suffered from and shot out his wand hand, sending James flying backwards, a cut fixing itself on his cheek. _

"_Want to play that way Snivy?" James regained his footing and with a flick of his wand sent Severus up into the air and upside down, his robes falling over his face. Many people laughed aloud as James bounced Severus around like a puppet on strings. Lily made to grab for James's arm, but he kept her back with his other one, laughing at the display in the air in front of him. _

"_Let him DOWN!" _

"_Have it your way then." James shrugged boredly, letting Severus fall towards the ground in a heap. Lily threw out her own wand with a shout of "arresto momento!", slowing his fall before he hit the ground. She turned her wand to James and Sirius now, who had fallen into a fit of hysterics. They quickly straightened up, staring at her wand, fearing she might just jinx them next._

"_Why can't you just leave Severus alone? You don't always have to be such a bully Potter!" She glared at him, watching the smirk fade from his face. He shrugged once more. _

"_Alright then, you've won this time. I was getting bored anyway." He watched as Lily hurried to Severus, bending down to make sure he was alright and to help him gain his feet. For reasons he couldn't quite understand himself James felt the same burning in his stomach that Severus had felt at seeing her help his greasy-haired enemy. _

"_It's a good thing Evans was here to protect you Snape."_

"_I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her." Severus slapped her hand away, getting to his feet. The collective group gasped, as Lily stared wide-eyed Severus, her eyes threatening to tear. No sooner were the words out that Severus regretted them. _

"_Fine… then I won't help anymore." Lily made to back up but Severus reached out a hand. _

"_Lily no, I didn't mean that." _

_Lily only shook her head and went to turn around but bumped into James instead, Sirius, Lupin and Peter standing behind him. _

"_I'd apologize to Evans if I were you Snape."_

"_OH no! I don't need you standing up for me Potter. I can handle myself BY myself. You make me sick!" she reached out and sent a sharp slap across his smirking face, his smile dropping. She turned her glare from James to Severus, her eyes brimming with tears before she ran off and into the castle, one of her friends chasing after her calling her name._

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><p>Severus sighed heavily, leaning against a stone pillar as he ran a hand down his face. There had to be some way to make her see…to make her know just how sorry he was. He had never in all the time he had known her, ever had a dark thought about Lily Evans. In fact, most every thought he had about her was pure and utter love and devotion. Now here he was, alone and sick to his stomach with guilt and regret. He turned, set on heading towards his own dorm when a figure passed by him and he was struck with an idea. He hurried after the girl, knowing her to be one of Lily's friend's from Gryffindor.<p>

"Mary! Wait up!" He ran up to her as she turned, her eyes a mix of disgust and sympathy.

"I told you Severus…she doesn't want to talk to you. I'm sorry." If she were perfectly honest, she was sorry for him. She hadn't been there for the actual scene where he had called Lily that offensive word, but she had been there to watch him chase after Lily in the halls, trying to get an apology in, and to see him at their door, practically on his knees to beg for forgiveness. She had known Lily and Severus had been best friends, why she could never quite figure out, and knew that he honestly was sorry.

"Please. I need to try, just one more time."

"Why are you so persistent Severus? She's barely spoken to you in weeks. I know you were friends, but you might want to give it up already." She crossed her arms, looking him up and down.

"Because…I cant. I-Iloveher." Snape hung his head, his lips barely moving as he made his quiet admission. He had never told anyone else before, but he was desperate. Mary stared at him for a moment, eyes wide before she shook her head in disbelief.

"I'm sorry…did a cloud of wrackspurts just fly through my ears or did I hear you say that you _love_ Lily Evans?"

"Shh! Keep your voice down. She doesn't know. N-no one knows. Please? Will you help me?" He looked to the girl, his eyes locking with hers. When it came to Lily Evans, Severus Snape was not above begging. Mary sighed for a minute, observing Severus before finally nodding.

"Well...it does make sense I guess. I see the way you look at her." she studied him a minute, watching as he bit his lip, his eyes pleading with her.

"Okay.. I'll come up with something. I'll have her up at the astronomy tower tonight. Okay?"

"Thank you." Severus nodded to her before hurrying away towards Slytherin house.

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><p>Severus paced impatiently along the floor of the Astronomy tower, the moon glowing above him. What if she wasn't coming? What if Mary hadn't been able to get Lily to come? If he hadn't lost his temper in the first place he wouldn't even be in this position! Suddenly he heard footsteps ascending the stairs. He flicked his wand towards the direction of the railing before hurrying off into a dark set of shadows, hiding in them. Lily made her way to the landing, a gasp escaping her lips as she took in the scene in front of her. Someone had placed a large bunch of lilies in different colors near the railing, a string of lilies and ivy threaded along the railings as fireflies floated lazily around. She bent down to pick up the bunch, inhaling their scent as she hugged them to her.<p>

"I know they're your favorite." Severus stepped from the shadows, his voice soft. Lily turned quickly, looking at him.

"You?"

"Please Lily, before you run away just listen to me, please."

"Why should I Sev?"

"Because we're best friends…" He said it so plainly, so quietly, his eyes so full of pain, that Lily was rooted to the spot. She stared at him, still unable to speak. Finally she found her voice, soft as it was.

"We _we're_ best friends."

"I'm sorry Lily. I really am. I never meant a word I said."

"I didn't realize it was such a shameful thing to have a _mudblood _for a friend. To have that friend help you when you're in trouble. That's what friends do Sev! They look out for one another." Severus opened his mouth to speak but Lily was on a roll now.

"I know Potter and his friends can be real toerags, especially to you…but what you said that day…I don't think that I can ever forgive you Severus." Her eyes were brimming with tears now, one in particular threatening to make its way down her cheek.

"I know you have some different thoughts on people Severus, but I never thought that _you_ of _all_ people would… would actually say something like that to _me! _It was the most horrible, awful thing! And now you think you can just trick me into coming up here, with this pretty display, and think I'll just forgive you and that it can all go back to how it was before?"

"Lily, if there is any way…any way at all that I can show you that I am sorry. How truly sorry I am." He stepped towards her, and she took a small step back in response, hugging the flowers closer to her. She turned her eyes away from him as he stood closely in front of her, shaking her head in the minutest movement.

"Please…"

"I thought I was just a stupid mudblood. What would you want with a friend like me?" She felt a hand gently grasp her chin, turning her gaze to look at him. His voice was soft as he spoke, his other hand moving to gently rest on her arm.

"You are not a stupid mudblood. I was humiliated… and I took it out on you. I am so sorry Lily."

"Are you really?" her eyes bore into his, even though she already knew his answer, and she knew that, below all of her hurt feelings, that she believed him and even forgave him.

"Of course I am." His hands dropped slowly as he exhaled a slow breath.

"I believe you."

In a movement that shocked the two of them, Severus rushed in, wrapping his arm around Lily in a tight hug.

"Thank you."

Lily slowly stepped back from the hug, looking up to him.

"But it will take time to forgive you Sev…that really hurt me you know."

"I know." He nodded, smiling sadly to her. She believed him, and was willing to forgive him, and that was all that mattered, all that he wanted. Well, except…

"I'm going to go to bed now Sev, okay?" he nodded and slowly Lily turned, making to walk towards the stairs when his voice stopped her. It was a low whisper, but in the quiet night she heard it all the same.

"I'm not as fullblood as I pretend to be."

"What?" she turned, having been stopped in her tracks at his words. He turned to look at her, an odd smirk about his lips.

"Silly, isn't it? Speaking so lowly of those who aren't pureblooded when I myself…" he turned, gripping the railings and looking down on the grounds, his shoulders slumping. "I'm a halfblood."

"Severus." Lily made her way up to him, placing a hand upon his shoulder.

"I thought you should know…"

He stared at her, steeling himself for whatever her reaction may. Lily smiled to him, reaching out to give his hand a gentle squeeze.

"You know, it's not a shameful thing." She paused, watching him as his stance relaxed ever so slightly. She knew that it was hard for him to admit such a secret. She knew that Severus didn't exactly have the easiest homelife and felt that perhaps, this was the reason that he kept his secret.

"Thank you…for sharing your secret Sev."

It was so…Lily, to be so forgiving and caring. To be so accepting and understanding. And with her reaction, he knew he couldn't wait another moment. She had turned to head towards the stairs once more, and his brain kicked him to get moving, for he knew that he could be quiet no longer.

"Lily.." he reached out for her, grabbing her arm before she was able to get away and pulled her into him, crashing his lips into her in a kiss so pure, so tender and so full of passion as never had been before. In this one kiss, he attempted to show her everything he felt for her. The deepness of his love and devotion, how much he cared for her. He had wrapped his arms around her slight frame, one hand gently cradling her head lovingly. Lily had stayed still at first, shocked at his display of affection, before he felt the flowers drop to the ground, landing on their feet as she wrapped her arms up and around him, returning his kiss. Slowly their kiss broke, and Lily tilted her head to look up at him.

"Sev?" her whisper brushed his face, he could see the flush of her cheeks even in the moonlight.

"I love you Lily Evans." Was his quiet, breathy reply. He couldn't help his own small smile as he admitted his feelings to her. He watched as Lily's face broke into a smile, once more tears welling up in her eyes, trailing down her cheeks. He chuckled softly, brushing a thumb across her cheek to wipe a tear away. "Why are you crying?"

"It took you long enough ya big dope." She laughed up to him before hugging him tightly, her head tucked up under his chin. And at that moment, with the dim light of the moon and the fireflies dancing lazily around them, that Severus Snape was the happiest he had ever been in his life.

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><p><strong>Hope you all liked it. I've always been a secret SevLily fan. I think I sobbed the hardest in both the book and the movie at his display of emotion at the loss of Lily. His life and story are really rather tragic. And I get the feeling that, if he had at some point made his feelings known to Lily, that his life could have turned out a lot differently. RxR! **


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